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NMH Magazine : Fall 2004

Modern Dean

A Very Model of a Model Dean 

by Mary Seymour

 

Nicole Hager expected to be a pediatrician when she grew up. As dean of students at NMH, she’s not far off the mark. Taking care of young people is clearly her calling.

She is one of seven siblings in a family that lived in Iowa, Massachusetts, Washington state, Colorado, and Oregon. Her father worked as a high school principal and, later, superintendent. Her mother taught math until parenting took precedence.

Hager went to Dartmouth College, where she earned a degree in English and psychology, excelled at basketball, and received an award for the most outstanding woman in the graduating class of 1991. She loved Dartmouth so much that she stayed on to work in its admission office.

In 1994 she became associate dean of admission at Deerfield Academy. She also coached basketball, advised students, and did dorm duty. In nine years at Deerfield she served variously as coordinator of multicultural education, college counselor, English teacher, associate dean of students, and interim dean of students. During summers, she did course work at Dartmouth toward a master’s of arts and liberal studies.

Hager became dean of students at NMH in July 2003—a dream job, by her reckoning. At the same time, her partner, Lauren Stone, who has non-Hodgkins lymphoma, was scheduled for a bone marrow transplant. The highly risky procedure was successful, and Stone is in complete remission. Still in recovery, she is the stay-at-home mom for the couple’s five-year-old daughter, Rylie.

This spring, in an unheard-of coup, Hager won a Students’ Choice Award, granted by students to two NMH adults who’ve had the most transforming effect on their lives. Most faculty wait a lifetime to receive such laurels, and a dean might wait several lifetimes. Hager won the award her first year here.

 

Did you go to private school?

I was public school-educated all the way until Dartmouth. At Deerfield, I was troubled at being around so much wealth, privilege, and exclusivity. Could I do more good in the world by applying my skills in a public school? I talked myself out of it by saying, “These are really good kids who will go out and do something important in the world, and what I can offer them around multicultural education and sensitivity to socioeconomic issues is critical.” I feel like NMH is much more in line with my public school values, while still being a place of excellence.

 

Why did you choose NMH?

I have long looked at NMH with total awe at what a private school could be: it could be selective and offer awesome academic opportunities, but also stand for all the right things. The head, hand, and heart motto can be clichéd, but it resonates with me.

 

When you took the job, what did you know about the changes ahead for NMH?

I knew there was a lot on the table, and something needed to happen. Getting smaller on two campuses seemed like a possibility, and becoming a smaller school on one campus was another one. I didn’t know what was going to happen. None of us did.

 

How do you feel about the decision to make NMH smaller?

I feel it’s the right one. As a dean of students who’s particularly committed to the development of community, being on one campus is kind of a no-brainer.

I think our diversity is going to be much more authentic. People like to downplay the stereotypes of the “artsy” Northfield campus and the “jock” Hermon campus, but those stereotypes are drawn from reality. It’s going to be very challenging having, say, a kid with pink hair rooming with the quarterback of the football team. Can we do it? I hope we can. I’m not the least bit interested in losing those aspects of what makes NMH special.

 

Describe the work you do.

The clearest way to express it is that I oversee the nonacademic lives of kids. I get the hand and heart aspects of our mission. The accountability piece is certainly a big part of what we do (I prefer to refer to it as accountability rather than discipline).

And it’s about helping our students grow up as healthy young people. Every Tuesday I meet with a team of folks—the school doctor, our three psychologists, the director of the learning skills program, our health educator, all the deans, the chaplain, and the multicultural community development director—to talk about kids. We call it “Deans and Docs.” We find out who’s on the radar and who needs support, and we put together a game plan. That’s what it’s about: helping kids weather adolescence. I mean, it’s hard. We all tend to forget that we had an adolescence too, and it wasn’t the easiest of times.

 

Where do you see room for change in the student life system?

I like what we have in place: our systems of discipline, accountability, advising, student leadership development. House directors and DLs are absolutely critical. In those ways, I don’t see a need for change. I credit my predecessor, Randy Stevens, with a lot of unbelievable work. Thanks to him, I’ve inherited a system of student support that’s really tight.

As we transition to one campus, there are some major changes kids might not like. For example, for 2005–06 we can’t use our current system where kids can elect to stay within their houses because that will unfairly disadvantage Northfield kids, who will be losing their house as well as their campus. We may do an all-school draw.

The discipline system might change a bit—we obviously don’t need two campus hearing boards. We’ll look at advising and make sure it makes sense on a one-campus system. The jury’s out on the freshman program. It exists currently because we’re so big, and it’s been a tremendous success. We’ll probably carry it over to the Mount Hermon campus, but I’m not convinced the need is as great as we become a smaller school.

 

How would you describe yourself?

The first word I’d use is compassionate—I express my concern and care for a student, even if I’m about to dismiss him from school. I wouldn’t say I’m strict, but I am clear. I’m committed to the values and standards of this place. I wrestle with every disciplinary decision in my heart, but in the end I can say, “It’s so important for the rest of the students who are doing right, and for our school and our sense of order, that we hold you accountable.”

 

What’s been your toughest challenge at NMH?

Probably the number of disciplinary cases, which became overwhelming last winter. During fall term only two students faced dismissal, compared to 30 the following term. Partly this was due to the long, cold, dark New England winter and students making poor choices while tired and feeling down. The spring was much better. It’s hard to say what influences these trends, but when the going is tough, it can be a challenge.

The second challenge is the transition. It’s been hard to establish professional and personal relationships with people at a time of great stress and uncertainty. It’s tough enough to be new in a community and try to establish yourself in a new system—but then it’s extra tough to have the system change, including on a personnel level.

 

What’s been your most satisfying experience here?

Experiencing NMH as the school I thought it was: totally committed to diversity and to the life of the head, hand, and heart.

 

Is there any part of the job you dread?

I dread getting up in the morning when I know I have to tell a kid he’s going to be separated or dismissed. That’s when I get an ache in the pit of my stomach, and I can’t wait for it to be over.

 

How do you get to know students outside your office?

I’ve chosen to be faculty advisor to Student Congress. We meet every Tuesday, and I’m religious about being there despite the craziness of my job. Last year I was an advisor in the freshman program, so I had five advisees. It was hard sometimes to feel like I was giving them enough of my time, but I loved it. Every Monday afternoon I’d see them all and we’d talk and laugh a lot. I had to do their schedules and learn the academic system—it got me into the system right away. This year I’ll be affiliated with Gould and be DL to a group of girls there. This winter I’ll also be helping to coach the girls varsity basketball team. I’ll be a part-time assistant coach; I’ll be there two or three times a week and for home games.

 

What are the biggest issues students face?

Technology. From an academic standpoint, it’s an amazing tool, but to a student life dean, it’s horrifying. It’s giving kids everywhere access to the Worldwide Web. Girls, in particular, can hook up with men online. Kids can buy drugs online. But what are you going to do: shut down the Internet? You have to try to stay ahead of kids on this, but it feels almost impossible.

We’ve had a lot of academic dishonesty—technology is at the center of that too. It’s so easy to download and share with one another online. As much as I want to be on the bandwagon about technology, it’s hard to be. It brings peer pressure to a whole new level, enticing students to make wrong choices far too easily.

 

How would you characterize NMH students?

They seem more giving, more interested in a world outside themselves. At this age, adolescents are generally so self-focused—but NMH kids are eager to understand other kids and other cultures and to appreciate the disadvantaged. Their motives seem authentic to me, as opposed to “I’m going to do outreach because it looks good on my college application.”

 

How would you like to see kids develop while they’re here?

I hope they’ll make mistakes and grow from them. I’d never want to be at a school that’s a one-chance school. We have limits, but after that first mistake we don’t say, “You’re done.” We say, “Kids are kids, they test boundaries, and they’re facing more pressures than any of us did when we were their age.” To expect them to be perfect is not only inappropriate, it’s developmentally dangerous.

 

How has NMH changed you?

It’s allowed me to be who I am, beginning with the fact that the school hired me as an openly gay person. When I was hired at Deerfield, I was very much in the closet—which was as much about where I was with accepting myself as it was about Deerfield accepting me. Through the interview process at NMH, I was very straightforward about being gay and about Lauren’s health crisis, which we were heading into full speed. That NMH hired me despite these life realities—maybe because of them—was really affirming. Right away, I learned that the school acts out the values it stands for.

 

Has the NMH community been supportive?

Overwhelmingly—not just of us as a family, but around Lauren’s health. While she was in the hospital in the summer of ’03, I set up a website so I could post updates. I wrote about how I’d gotten everything ready for our move to Northfield—the house, food—except I didn’t get to the garden. I was hoping I’d have a garden ready when she came home so she could enjoy it during her long recovery.

Well, I came out on the porch one day to let the dogs out and saw 30 people walking down the street into our driveway: people I didn’t even know and people I’d been working with like Anne Atkins and the Pellers. They came in with a lilac tree, a dogwood, roses. They cleared out the old garden in ten minutes flat and put in a new one.

I’m a tough person to surprise and I’m rarely speechless. I was blown away. Lauren was still very weak, but I got her to come outside to see. The metaphors for life, transition, healing, starting new, and growing friendships were endless and so appropriate. I knew I was in the right place with the right people.

 

Were you surprised to win the Students’ Choice Award?

This was the second time in less than a year that I was in absolute shock. I love the kids here—they’ve already had transforming effects on me. That they feel similar toward me is a true gift. I’ve joked with people that it could be all downhill from here, but I feel good that students have perceived me in the way this award suggests. It’s really about respect, and it’s undeniably mutual.