NMH Magazine : Spring 2003

Ken Lindfors '53

Ken Lindfors, born near the Arctic Circle in Sweden, has traveled a great distance in 67 years. His first journey took place in 1940, when his parents–fearful that Germany or Russia would occupy Sweden during World War II–emigrated to America with four-year-old Ken and his younger brother, Ben. They settled in Mamaroneck, New York, where his father bought and operated a small diner. Although poor by most standards, the family was happy, close-knit, and grateful to be part of the American dream. 

That dream included a good education for the children, so Ken was enrolled at Mount Hermon in 1949; his brother followed two years later, and his sister Sally came to Northfield in 1957. Skinny, sports-loving, intermittently mature, Ken loved to sing and socialize but was less interested in studying. He served as student council president his senior year and came to know headmaster Howard Rubendall, who encouraged him to become an educator. 

And so he did. After graduate school and a military stint as an MP, Ken came back to Mount Hermon to teach history and English. From there he and his wife, Betsy, went to Suffield Academy in Connecticut, where they spent the next 26 years. For the last 11 of those years–from 1976 until 1987–he served as headmaster. Then came another plum job offer: Ken became president of ASSIST, an exchange program that discovers outstanding international students, then places and supports them at American independent schools. He and Betsy shared the work, traveling to such places as Australia, Spain, Bulgaria, and Romania to interview students. 

In 2000 the siren song of retirement beckoned, and Ken heeded it. He now volunteers for ASSIST and spends his days in a satisfying balance of writing, reading, exercising, singing in a chorus, and spending time with his wife, family, and friends.

What's been the highlight of your life so far?

My marriage, our daughters, and our granddaughter, Maya, all of whom fill me with pride and appreciation.

What's been the low point?

My mother's sudden, unexpected death at the young age of 46.

How has being a parent affected you?

I think it's made me a better human being–more responsive, responsible, understanding; more aware of my limitations; and also more appreciative of my wife's special strengths. In those early days, when it seemed like our Dr. Spock paperpack was literally my lifeline–I knew so little about how to care for a child or about the dynamics of early childhood–I became keenly aware of the huge learning curve ahead of me. That continues even to this day.

What's been the biggest surprise in your life?

How fast life goes. I find it astonishing at times that I am already an old geezer. Where did the years go?

What do you like and dislike about this stage of your life?

I like having the time to explore aspects of myself that have been buried or minimized because of earlier work responsibilities. I also like having the time to contribute as a volunteer to something in which I believe. I do not like the pain, suffering, and disability that increasingly come as we advance into old age. At the same time, much of my appreciation of the good things in life is heightened by my awareness of death, illness, and the unfortunate happenings that come to all of us at some point.

What's the most important lesson you've learned?

I've become convinced that one of our tasks in life is not to accumulate a few great moments, but millions of little ones. These smaller, less dramatic moments include simple pleasures that often mean more than the larger ones many of us dreamt of when we were young. I am thinking of talks, unexpected phone calls, laughter and hugs with family and friends, meeting and getting to know strangers, long October walks in New England, books and movies, birds at the backyard feeders, and fried onion rings at their best.

What's your prescription for a long, happy marriage?

As a clergy friend of ours aptly said: the important thing to remember in long relationships is that, as the years go by and we change, whole new relationships can emerge. Thus, while there may only be one wedding, a couple may in reality experience several marriages with one another over the years.

Where do you see yourself in ten years?

If I am still alive at age 77, I hope that I am still doing something useful with my life, while at the same time savoring family, friendships, and experiences that add richness and meaning to my existence. If I am not alive, and it turns out that the lights go out and there is truly nothing more–that's okay too. I have been blessed with expressions of love and an interesting life in a remarkable country. I am grateful for it all.