NMH Magazine : Spring 2003

The 20's

Ah, youth. The still-wet-behind-the-ears 20s summon images of energy, optimism, excitement, possibilities. Twentysomethings are on their own for the first time, being treated as grownups in a world that not long ago shushed them at the dinner table. But there's a price tag to that independence. Suddenly we have to make major life choices, whether about graduate school or career or marriage. Those choices can feel overwhelming and irrevocable. Money may be scarce and loans unending. A job that provides instant income may win out over medical school or dreams of being a painter. For 20somethings, there may be contrasting impulses: to explore and experiment versus to create a stable, secure life. They may indulge the former impulse in the first half of the decade, then begin to settle down. At this age, there's a heightened awareness of shoulds: What should I be doing? Am I where I should be? In our 20s, we tend not to be deeply introspective; this is a period of action, not reflection. Parental figures, unconsciously internalized as guardians, provide us with feelings of safety that allow us to accomplish many "firsts." At the same time, however, these internal guardians can function as dictators who hold us back. At this age, we tend to think we're nothing like our parents–the very suggestion is offensive–and to consider ourselves and our ideas unique. For couples, the 20s can be rollercoaster years. Each partner is undergoing developmental growth spurts, though rarely at the same time. They must learn the art of supporting each other while maintaining a strong sense of self. Marriages between 20somethings are often about conforming to parental or societal expectations. The end of the 20s may be marked by mourning: youth is fading and suddenly the future is here. For those who've found their lifework, this can be an exciting passage. For those still seeking direction, 30 may sound like a warning bell.